SEVERAL MONTHS AGO I got drunk and rented Fear with Reese Witherspoon, thinking it was The Crush with Alicia Silverstone. I realized my error as soon as I pressed play, but I was in to the short skirt / leather jacket combo in the first scene so I decided it was okay. Plus, I was wine-watching it, anyway, so who really cares.
I took field notes on my experience that night, intending to write a blog post. I forgot about those notes until just now when I found the Sticky Note hiding behind another on my desktop. They’re a little dodgy, my notes, but I’ve decided to publish them as-is, with no corrections to spelling or grammar or common sense. Here goes:
… “Comedown” by Bush. Nice.
… Alyssa Milano, just as a concept.
… Walberg on Witherspoon MOS is supes awks.
… Can the short skirt/kneesocks combo please come back in style? (cc Liv Tyler in Empire Records).
… I want to ride a rollercoaster right now but at the same time I don’t.
… The are a lot of Reese Witherspoon Girls, but I’ve never met a Reese Witherspoon Guy.
… Mark Walberg was Stefan Sagmeister before Stefan Sagmeister was Stefan Sagmeister. Nicole 4 eva.
… I’m into their house in a big way. A big, early mid 90s way.
… Now “Machinehead” by Bush? I’m totally pro-Bush, but did Gavin Rosedale, like, write the whole score?
… Whoa, this movie just got intense.
… I don’t like this movie anymore. I may have to turn it off.
… This movie is upsetting me, and my stomach hurts. Unrelated.
… Amy Brenaman is more of a badass than I initially gave her credit for. That drill thing was pretty awesome.
… This movie is mad scary. I wish it was over.
… Remember car phones? LOL.
… I’m gonna be a hardcore dad, too, and one day I’ll totally throw my daughter’s crazy boyfriend through a second story window.
… My stomach still hurts. Unrelated.
So there you have it. I must say, I think “The are a lot of Reese Witherspoon Girls, but I’ve never met a Reese Witherspoon Guy,” may be the most brilliant thing I’ve ever written. Or it would’ve been, had I written “There are…”.