I have to be honest—I couldn’t care less about the stupid Super Bowl. I frankly don’t even care about the commercials or the halftime show. I mean, I’ll go to the party; I’ll eat the chicken wings. But I’ll tell you what else I’m gonna do, and that’s show up three hours early so I can watch Puppy Bowl XIII. I’ve been researching the starters and putting together my Fantasy League draft since last month, and I’m banking on these three killers, below:
That’s Calvin, Pepper, and Hunter. And yes, I made them all vintage trading cards because, well, wook at their wittle faces! Can you stand it? I can’t stand it. These three are at the top of their game and at the top of my draft list, and here’s why:
Calvin – Calvin reminds me of my own Boo Radley. There’s a quiet confidence in the way they both hold their heads high like that, and that’s not something you can teach. His bio states that he’s a dachshund, but I’d like a chance to review those papers because there’s something scrappy mixed up in there, too, and it’s that scrappiness that makes Calvin one to watch.
Pepper – Pepper’s my sleeper pick. Don’t be fooled by the pink nose; Pepper’s playing to win. True, his performance this season hasn’t been the best—I heard he pissed on the 20-yd line—but I am of the opinion that he’s been saving his A-game for Sunday. According to his bio, Pepper’s also training to be a NASCAR driver.
Hunter – Hunter’s got power. He’s a bruiser. But here’s the twist: Not only has Hunter got brawn, but he’s also got brains. He’s planning on going into politics, and I’m 100% behind him on the field and in DC.
…Okay, so maybe I’m a freak, but I’m okay with that. Puppies are just the best!