Ryan’s Met Gala Notes

So, you already read Meyer’s well-formulated, thoughtful notes from the Met Gala. I love phrasing it that way—notes from the Met Gala—makes it sound like we went. We did not, for the record. But we did watch the arriving stars in real time, via Twitter and style.com or whatever page I was constantly refreshing. So I took all these hysterical notes—I had been throwing back a considerable number of Bloody Marys and working on the e-com site for a while at that point—but then style.com or whatever page I was constantly refreshing REORDERED all their photos! And of course, to save time I had only written the number order and not the guests’ actual names. Which means all my hysterical notes were rendered useless.


Except I did all that work, so I decided to post them anyway. Even if they don’t make sense. Maybe you can try to match the comments to the guest! That could be fun for you! It’d be like one of my favorite 80’s games, Guess Who?! My favorite character was Maria. She was the one with the beret and glasses, right? Maria was? Anyway, my notes from the Met Gala. More after the jump…

1. It’s cool overall, right? I mean, not my fave, but cool. And anyway, even if I wanted to I couldn’t say worse because A-Dubs could ruin our business. But I like it.
2. Okay. So… okay.
3. Looking good. Real boring, but real good.
4. I mean… that happened.
5. Cool, I think. I wish the waist was higher so she looked taller, but I like it. And I like the idea of the Barney’s window.
6. THOSE SHOES. Hamish is cool, though.
7. I wish the shirt didn’t have pockets. But then again, I wish a lot of things.
8. The dress is fine enough, but gloves always make me think of Miss Piggy.
9. I like you, but you kind of look like a bottle opener. And I like bottle openers, but I don’t like this.
10. …
11. I had to Wikipedia you. The tux is good. The hairline is not.
12. ‘kay.
13. I don’t know who you are, but you look alright.
14. No major concerns here,
15. You are very pretty.
16. I’m still upset I got brainwashed into watching that Lifetime movie.
17. Her: Not the hugest fan, but not a lot to say. He: Looks nice and is so tiny.
18. Not my fave, but it could just be this picture.
19. T’Swift: Dig the top, not so much the bottom. Mends: I feel that.
20. Okay, but maybe not for you, and the thing you’re holding confuses me.
21: Pretty, but for a diff event.
22: So shiny. Nice.
23: That tall man pulled off a one button coat.
24: Citrus is in. I love an Icy-Pop.
25: Tia Carrera, schwing! John Legend, your suit buttons too high.
26: Tory Burch is making mens. I have to sit with that for a sec.
27: Too old for you, Lovely Bones.
28: Fabiola Beracasa reminds me of the brazillionaires from Nothing but Trouble. In a good way. But maybe not in this.
29: That’s dramatic, and you’re pretty.
30: Slick.
31: I’m starting to get tired of commenting.
32: You’re totes a Lauren.
33: Red.
34: That camera in the background is CRAZY.
35: You’re pants are too wide, and you look like a fairy stripper bride. But sometimes we play your music at the store and it seems to make the girls giggle.
36: It’s crazy. I respect that.
37: KARL. I’ve been waiting for you to show. Serena, I don’t like this thing you’re doing with your hair.
38: You’re perfect. It’s always perfect.
39: So naked and wrinkley! Marry me.
40: I’ll divorce Salma for you.
41: A little Celion Dion for me.
42: You’re too grown for flowers. I’ve said the same about Jen Lindley, so don’t be mad.
43: I don’t hate you.
44: Pretty and plain. Which is why I like PC.
45: Not for me.
46: I actually like the dress with a few tweaks.
47: I’m still undecided about Skinny J-Hud as a concept.
48: You look really skinny. And your hair is really straight.
49: Cumber-BUN! Melania’s always hot, though.
50: I like you. A lot. I think Iike you better with red hair, though. Please don’t pull a Lohan on me. I like you.
51: Your shoes don’t match your dress.
52: Is Jessica Alba pregnant? Wait, just a bad angle. I think.
53: That doesn’t suit you, good sir.
54: You’re Rumor Willis, and you’re okay.
55: You are the thing that dreams and awkward conversations with your father are made of.
56: You are so old and still so pretty and sassy.
57: Oh, Eva Medes. Eva, Eva Mendes.
58: You bother me a little bit, but some people think you’re tops.
59: I don’t love this dress, but I love Ginnifer Goodwin.
60: Hey!
61: You’re so awesome, but I don’t like this dress.
62: I still see you as Angela Chase.
63: I like that dress, but you look too skinny.
64: PINK.
65: Not my thing.

…And that’s when I got bored. The end.

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